I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
