If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
