Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
