My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
