She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
