Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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