I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
