So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
