She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
