I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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