Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
