She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize