I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
