We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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