He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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