what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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