What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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