she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
