He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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