On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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