Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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