party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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