How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
