Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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