The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
