Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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