dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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