yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
