I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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