We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
