Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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