I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
