Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he thought i was a dude.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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