You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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