she told me i tasted like america
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
