we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
