i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
