I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize