i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
