I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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