____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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