just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
