I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
