is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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