if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
