I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
