so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
