bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
