I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
