My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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