So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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