So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
