This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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