watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
