Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize