It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize