I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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