Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
