I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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