bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
