GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
