someone get that fucking seahorse.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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