He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Randomize
