i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize